Call Clooney!

830 Tool Followers (2016-06-02)

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0:00:00JCD: “It stinks, it’s got this white goo, and when you chew it it makes a squeaking sound.”
0:00:37ACC’s Amazon Prime Now San Pellegrino; obnoxious telemarketer “who is this?” skit
0:05:16UCLA SJW screaming tantrum at Milo Yiannopoulos event; Plano H.S. grads ditch Honor Society regalia, Vonnegut’s Harrison Bergeron; social media on dead gorilla: “if the boy was black they would’ve found a tranquilizer”, ACC: “the kid is black!”; TtK all-in on child leashes
0:17:58UCLA murder-suicide lockdown with hordes of cops in “protective gear”, students “told to drop to their knees with their hands up”, “scrubbing their social media accounts”, police radio “technical alert status”, JCD: time to rob a bank, “we might as well turn this into an exercise
0:25:47Kirby addresses State Department Iran video “glitch” with his giant three-ring binder: “a specific request was made to excise that portion of the briefing”, “immediate steps to craft appropriate protocols”, call recipient “one of the editors”, “I see little foundation to press forward with a formal investigation”, CNN: “would the editor forget a one-of-a-kind request?”, Hillary e-mail comparison, “office of the legal advisor”; Elizabeth Kennedy Trudeau from Show 824: “getting information out on the web and searchable is a priority for us”, Google dodge theory; Hillary helicopter crash theory; JCD on Kirby: “I’m sure he sees it as a girl’s job”
0:43:40Epic Obama “okey-doke” and “if-if-if” stammer, JCD on Raiders stutterer Lester Hayes
0:50:21Producer Segment: the horrors of farmed salmon; JCD: “we’re tool followers”
1:07:20Pollsters questioning election predictions due to candidates’ “unfavorable ratings”; ACC to attend bug eating festival; pseudo O-bot dinner; producers concerned about JCD’s memory
1:14:18Kid calls 911 on red-light-running father; FDA-approved candy ADHD medication
1:17:48Hillary dodges FBI question: no interview scheduled, robotic lying MSNBC & CNN responses superimposed, Judge Napolitano: Hillary’s BlackBerry blocked on 7th floor office, FOIA dodge, Spiro Agnew parallel; Wasserman Schultz repealed DNC lobbyist donation ethics rules
1:30:56MSNBC on “I touched Bernie Sanders” millennials, “It’s like Paul McCartney in 1964”; fracking off California coast, earthquake drill June 7, State Department under Hillary pushed fracking globally; Obama: nonexistent future hurricanes to become “more devastating”
1:40:11Nary an American flag to be found with Trump protesters; Perry O’Brien #vetsvshate, “veterans as political props”, Soros behind Veterans Progressive Leadership Institute, Beyond the Choir; Tom Llamas on PGA event moving to Mexico, Trump to Llamas: “you’re a sleaze”
1:51:30Gary Johnson on Trump’s “incendiary” immigration position, “it’s just racist!”; McCain ad vs “Chemtrail Kelli Ward” with Alex Jones “a global plan to block out the sun” clip (CotD)
1:57:07“Deadly rampage” in Houston by Army veteran conspiracy theorist Dionisio Garza
2:00:38MS804 black box pings; world’s longest rail tunnel under Swiss Alps “symbol of European unity”; State Department issues European terror alert for UEFA & Catholic World Youth Day in Krakow; railway strike in France; JCD: ISIS won’t mess with soccer
2:13:30Donation Segment: ACC recalls JCD forgetting grandson’s name
2:24:57The Lancet on scientific unreproducability; Chantix vs placebo; Chatham House rules
2:31:30Tbilisi vegan cafe attacked by sausage-wielding “Nazis”; poll: 52% in favor of Brexit
2:36:45First US case of zika microcephaly, Francisco Rodriguez warns Olympic athletes, Fox News’ Manny Alvarez on delivery team, microbiologist grandmother sent blood sample to CDC; Gates Foundation mosquito egg Recode demo for idiots Walt Mossberg & Kara Swisher
2:47:30Facebag Messenger eavesdropping; internet giants pledge to address hate speech
2:52:31Clip Wheel: bees kill hiker in Arizona; Guess the Movie: Frankenhooker