Call Clooney!

458 Punch a Puppy! (2012-11-04)

Show 458 album art
0:00:00ACC: “You do not punch a puppy when you’re smokin’ weed!” (2:25:56)
0:00:32ACC’s “stinkeye” infected eye after Democrat-infested ReSurge International benefit in San Francisco; JCD irked at lack of real sommelier at Parallel 37 dinner with ACC and Ms. Micky
0:18:31Producer Segment
0:24:14Chatroom confused by “Fossil Fuel Appreciation Day” Daylight Saving Time with 1-2% increase in energy consumption, JCD’s 1930s clips of Hollywood celebrities bitching about DST
0:26:35“Taylor Swift’s Five Smartest Money Moves” press release
0:31:33Lines for food & water and the new iPad after Hurricane Sandy; 50 dead and crops destroyed in Haiti, $4 for a cup of rice in Port-au-Prince, 300 suspected cases of cholera; “lying sack” Hillary Clinton a week before Sandy gloating about “vibrant private sector” at opening of $300M Korean sweatshop; drunk Bill Clinton: development “a rebuke to those who say that progress is not possible, or that government is always the problem, or something else”, JCD: “this Haitian rum is good!”, Micky Martelli leaning as far away from Clintons as possible
0:39:04“Jersey strong” at useless NBC benefit with Jon Stewart; Staten Island Borough President James Molinaro: Red Cross “nowhere to be found”; Anderson Pooper lying about his strong family ties to the forgotten borough; lines for free gas from the National Guard, ACC’s friend Jack Ponti observing guardsmen armed with M-16s; Obama pushes 1-800-621-FEMA and, Red Cross “best and fastest way”, ABC News pushing completely unnecessary blood drive, Obama misses an opportunity by blaming “nature’s destructive power”, apocryphal “I’m Dan” rescue swimmer story; license plate gasoline rationing a fractal of the 1970s; bogus story from NBC News with families “dumpster diving” at Key Foods
0:55:47Producer note on Lucifer Clinton’s visit to Croatia the day before announcement of South Stream pipeline agreement between Russia and Hungary, JCD’s parallel with the 1860s telegraph wars; Gazprom to launch two satellites; JCD on Croatian hatred for Putin; Madeline Albright heckled by “disgusting Serbs” at Prague book signing (CotD)
1:05:41Vladimir Putin’s back problems and vacant expression attributed to crane flight incident, perpetual invisibility of his wife; carefully-orchestrated fishing trip with Medvedev; post-Vladivostok assassination attempt theory, ACC Red Book: “real manly man thing” up next
1:15:36Afghan farmers returning to opium poppies after saffron price crash, JCD irked at his overpriced fake Iranian saffron; Tony the Terrorist confirms Benghazi kidnapping theory, Yemen dronings over trade in Schedule I “scat” qat “poor man’s cocaine”, ACC: “lemme see if we’ve ever had a qat bust here”, JCD’s Chinese grocery store “whaddya use this for?”
1:36:06Donation Segment: Gardasil scam refresher; double voting via absentee ballots
1:57:19Sell-ah-bretty Moonshine jingle by Sir Geoff Smith; “what’s John eating” trial run
2:02:22New commemorative British £2 coin with Charles Dickens or Osama bin Laden
2:04:40Peculiar New York Times headline “with time as tight as race”; Bill O’Reilly and Dennis Miller discuss Obama’s “grievance” against whites; Bill Maher threatens Romney voters with “black people know who you are”; Obama’s “he needs a champion” meme in Iowa, Sugarland’s Everyday America “everybody’s just getting by”, misheard “a little town and a great big lie”
2:14:00Ralph Nader decries corporate welfare and crony capitalism; fascist Executive Order 13629 Establishing the White House Homeland Security Partnership Council; Gary Johnson predicts marijuana legalization in Colorado to Book TV; intoxicated Washington man arrested for punching the family puppy; more Nader & Johnson for end of show; ACC’s Dogcow favicon