Call Clooney!

373 Paraphilia (2012-01-12)

Show 373 album art
0:00:00ACC: “Can people play along at home?” (1:53:52)
0:00:31JCD: synchronized garbage days “like a bunch of women who live in the same dorm room”
0:02:01Time machine trip to Show 372 New Hampshire Primary predictions; Jon Stewart “Huntsman is the real second here” compilation; Lawrence O’Donnell “the difference between the right to do something and doing the right thing” botch; reptilian Dana Bash: “I’m sure you talked to Republicans who are worried as well, just like I am, that Ron Paul will continue on” (CotD)
0:08:18Rick Santorum insists “Iran must not get a nuclear weapon and we will go about whatever it takes to make sure that happens”; “idiot kid” to Jay Leno: “I think Ron Paul is like eighty-six years old”; Brit Hume: “most observers” agree RuPaul has a better chance
0:13:00CBC reporter: Paul “somewhat wacky anti-central bank anti-war candidate” with “small flock of assorted devoted followers”; tinfoil hat photo on Rush Limbaugh’s web site; BBC “I’m not making this up!” with Paul one point behind Obama; new “electability” distraction; Doug Wead to Andrea Mitchell: “we’re changing the party”, JCD “blocking strategy” theory
0:29:41Producer Segment: boots on the ground report from Abbottabad
0:39:38Largely interchangeable SOPA and PIPA heaping new punishments on existing laws like the Lanham Act, JCD “shocked” to find no one has read the bills, lazy law enforcement wanting technology to do their jobs, Darrell Issa’s OPEN Act being promoted because it is “better”
0:55:11Distraction of “paraphilias” like Marines urinating on dead Taliban and police urinating on shackled Pennsylvania woman; police dispensing citations to six-year-olds in Austin schools
1:03:14TSA “Blogger Bob” posts “top 10 good catches of 2011” with terrorists conspicuously absent
1:05:46And Now Back to Real News: 13-foot two-ton Dutch wooden shoe for tourists stolen; WRVR headline: “Man Dies After Eating Ounce of Cocaine out of Brother’s Butt”
1:08:56ACC’s €500 note Red Book prediction, BBC on “the favored banknotes of criminals”
1:13:44JCD’s “News from Chiner” with “SUV” the only comprehensible word, proposal for mandatory subtitles, Huntsman’s as-yet untranslated qíngxíng comment
1:16:45C-SPAN “we have lost our signal” from Ron Paul event with family introductions; Jon “Henchman”’s insincere “I’ll be darned”, concession speech confetti, “I love this state”, Buzzkill Jr.’s victory speech theory; “production meeting” for Show 375 scheduling
1:24:21“Off-brand Oprah” Gayle King responds to “great questions” from Charlie Rose on her Michelle Obama interview, Homer Simpson “great question!” jingle; ACC: Jodi Kantor’s The Obamas written “to help us believe that they are not the reptilians that they actually are”
1:28:18Shadow Puppet Theater: former Citigroup and CFR shill Jacob Lew to replace William Daley
1:30:39TSA looking into radiation dosimeters, JCD cancer cluster theory
1:32:28Donation Segment: JCD “ever since Art Bell went off the air the Greys have gone too”
1:51:37Ask Adam: guess the network given the show name, I Cloned My Pet maniacal laugh
2:01:07Polish colonel Mikolaj Przybyl shoots himself in the cheek after defending himself in front of journalists investigating 2010 presidential plane crash, “I aimed incorrectly”
2:07:00Roscosmos’ Vladimir Popovkin suggests Phobos-Grunt craft may have been “influenced”
2:11:22Cackling Lucifer Clinton scolds Iran for “provocative rhetoric” and denies assassination of nuclear scientist Mostafa Ahmadi-Roshan; bloodthirsty Rick Santorum: “enemy combatants”
2:22:43Susan Rice lies about dying Syrians, bitches about Russia; Clinton: Syrian army painting vehicles blue as disguise, Assad’s “chillingly cynical speech”; Assad on NYT front page
2:31:32Michael Bloomberg’s next target: retail alcohol outlets; Neil Cavuto for end of show