Call Clooney!

1243 Obamable (2020-05-17)

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0:00:00ACC: (Corny laughter) (1:39:55)
0:00:36ACC counters “to keep me safe” mask requirement with open carry proposal as a move toward some kind of social accommodation; Italy to require masks until a cure or vaccine is on the go; the Duke and Duchess of Japan note the efficacy of a mask tradition, government-commandeered hotel rooms; boots on the ground report on Wuhan testing progress, back to “grey skies and burning eyes”; fashion industry crumbling
0:09:47Austin using bizarre reverse-order Stage 1-5 system; Dr. Birx seemingly spooked by Judicial Watch sniffing around Fauci, Jim Acosta downplays critiques about overcounting with clip of Fauci saying “almost certainly it’s higher”, bogus CNN poll showing more support for Fauci than for Trump; Colorado man’s 0.55 BAC alcohol poisoning death attributed to coronavirus; 2015 British Medical Journal article “A cluster randomised trial of cloth masks compared with medical masks in healthcare workers”; producer note on hysterical all-caps memos from upper management bent out of shape over mask discipline; CDC retroactively inflating “100% reported” numbers; Dr. Drew Pinsky reminds us CDC never recommended shutdown
0:23:13Alan Dershowitz on the constitutionality of forcing vaccines on citizens to prevent the spread of disease, JCD reminisces about people lining up for H1N1 vaccine; Trump asked about whether or not he seeks “full vaccine”; Dr. Rick Bright’s history of oscillating between government and the vaccine industry; Bright’s “I get that” testimony before House subcommittee replete with meaningless “science!” talking points, “darkest winter in American history”, “the truth must be based on science”, “let us lead!”; confusion at opening of hearing headed by clueless Anna Eshoo, Rep. Greg Walden opens with critique of bizarre circumstances around hearing
0:42:09“We have to listen to the scientists” talking points in scripted Pooper-Gupta-Thunberg CNN special, JCD on climate change activists: “talk about being put on the back burner, they’ve been taken off the stove!”; CBS gloats about friction between Trump and Fauci; Mark Shields splutters a non-sequitur about Trump’s lack of strategic thinking in his presumed battle with Fauci; Pelosi “testing testing testing, tracing tracing tracing, isolation isolation isolation”; FDA halts Seattle test kit program backed by Gates Foundation
0:53:47Nassau County politician Laura Curran explains how to play tennis safely: “you can kick their balls but you can’t touch them”, “to avoid confusion between whose balls are whose, you can use a marker, like a Sharpie, to mark out an X or put someone’s initials on them”
0:55:31Producer note on the series of mistakes made by Andrew Cuomo that reduced New York City nursing homes to shambles; TtK brought up to speed on the Church Commission; Pennsylvania restaurant owner cancelled for his impersonation of transgender Secretary of Health Rachel Levine, “member of the LGBTQ community” in rainbow mask gushes over Levine
1:05:22“Traveling economic militias” at large in Texas; New Zealand police given authority to enter homes without warrants; NTD New Tang Dynasty report on cell phone blackout in October 2019 near Wuhan Institute of Virology being interpreted as sign of hazardous event, JCD promises essay about anti-China Falun Gong media operations like The Epoch Times; Dutch pollster Maurice de Hond cancelled over criticism of coronavirus statistical methods
1:15:11Darren O’Neill channels Rush Limbaugh in PSA with alternatives to “smokin’ hot”
1:16:27Producer Segment
1:36:07Chuckling Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski swoon over Joe “I’m following the rules!” Biden, “checkmate!” and mumbling “we’re, we’re, we’re… in the middle of a pandemic” isos; ACC’s Red Book dream about President Biden from Show 512 in 2013; rambling Biden nearly drowned out by honking Canadian geese during livestream with miserable Skype connection, “a pandemic that has cost us more than 85,000 jobs as of today, lives of millions of people, millions of people, millions of jobs”, no actual policy position other than “work hard”; Judy Woodruff points out Biden’s “I commit” to not pardoning Trump for various unspecified crimes
1:51:57Lawrence O’Donnell trots out Stacey Abrams for MSNBC town hall only to have her virtually ignored by Biden, idiotic claim that Trump is threatening to “defund the Post Office”; Moe Factz podcast identifies Abrams as the unwanted “Oprah candidate”; “Luhan virus” taken as Freudian slip of Michelle Lujan Grisham, media “sanitizing” Amy Klobuchar
1:59:31Fox Sports discusses prospect of events with fake crowd noise and “virtual fans”
2:01:51DNC communications director Xochitl Hinojosa notes necessity of holding convention because it is “not officially nominating Joe Biden in order to take Donald Trump”
2:04:23Donation Segment
2:17:01Entremet: lame virtue signaling Wright State University commencement speech by Tom Hanks
2:21:57Second Half of Show: boots-on-the-ground report from Sir Joel on Northern Nevada earthquake accompanied by bright blue light from nearby mountains, torrential rain in Texas
2:25:35John Solomon to Lou Dobbs on “big revelations” on Spygate coming real soon now from Lindsey Graham’s staff: “buckle your seatbelt”; unindicted liar James Clapper’s link with CNN conveniently goes dead when he is asked about the illegal leaking of Michael Flynn documents, offers to testify only after being vaccinated for coronavirus; John Brennan trots out the old “the President’s lawyer” Barr with Chris Hayes, projects Obama White House guilt on Trump, attaboy for Christopher Wray, “Obamable abuse of authority”,
2:36:25New Jersey opening beaches for Memorial Day, Seaside Heights Mayor Anthony Vaz channels Joe Pesci: “if we just obey da rules”; Merkel pushing for open borders by June 15, Greece enforcing beach umbrella distancing; PBS on resignation of Brazilian health minister over Bolsonaro’s support for hydroxychloroquine “though it lacks scientific support”, ACC: “bullshit!”; coronavirus rears its head among Rohingya refugees in Bangladesh
2:43:32Mark Shields and David Brooks all-in on letting Biden off the hook for Tara Reade incident, PBS NewsHour gets 74 former Biden staffers on the record, former office-mate asserts “performance problem” leading to her termination, “crowded” hallway completely empty in PBS package; ACC predicts Hillary and “black Hillary” running after Joe dies