Call Clooney!

1234 COVID KowTow (2020-03-16)

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0:00:00ACC: “Oh my, what if China finds out?!” (1:11:25)
0:00:31Chuckling Bill Gates to BBC: it is “critical” that coronavirus response be global, vaccine “probably the most urgent tool that’s ever been needed”, ACC: “ever!”, “the period when I and other health experts…”; Gates to CNBC in Davos: “twenty-to-one return” on investment in vaccines; “Dr. Bill” to Financial Times on dismal state of preparedness in spite of his warnings; chuckling Melinda Gates to Poppy Harlow: “we plan for things as nations!”, JCD: “bull-shit!”, ACC: “go back to your alpaca wool knitting, woman”
0:18:53Media hysteria over Anthony Fauci telling Jake Tapper “you could’ve saved lives” if not for pushback against shutting down the country; Fauci addresses “hypothetical question” after next day’s press briefing, pushback “wrong choice of words”, CBS’ Paula Reid: “are you doing this voluntarily?”; Fauci on January 21: “this is not a major threat”, “very low risk to the United States” on January 26, “there is no need to change anything that they’re doing on a day-by-day basis” on February 29, to Al Sharpton on April 12: experts knew there was a real problem “middle to end of January”; Trump’s supercut of media downplaying the virus threat predictably downplayed by media as “campaign style” messaging
0:31:03ACC’s sister Tiffany taken in by bullcrap “wet market” story; softball question for Trump from Fox News about “sources” reporting lax safety measures at Wuhan Institute of Virology lab; Trump’s meeting with Michigan Rep. Karen Whitsett, peculiar admission that Spanish Flu outbreak originated somewhere in the US in 1917, ACC: “catch up to that number, bitches!”; “Anthrax Island” Plum Island New York taken over in 2019 by USDA and relocating to Kansas; Hudson Institute’s Michael Pillsbury to Lou Dobbs on “bat lady” Shi Zhengli conducting “gain of function” research into bat virii at Wuhan lab; reports of Fauci patents on HIV proteins showing up in COVID-19 (CotD)
0:44:21Trump places blame on WHO for ignoring December human-to-human transmission warning from Taiwan; 80 cases at Smithfield Foods pork processing plant in Sioux Falls; October report on 40% of China’s pigs lost to African swine fever, 50% increase in pork prices; NewsHour report on controversial 2013 $4.7bn sale of Smithfield to Shuanghui International Holdings
0:57:04Haitian-American Yamiche Alcindor gripes about “remarkable” White House briefing turned into a “campaign rally” by the playing of M5M lie compilation, “states have rights!”; Democrats demanding Trump exercise dictatorial power only to excoriate him for it a few days later; Trump trolls media with “they can’t do anything without the approval of the President” assertion; Kara Swisher and Christiane Amanpour “fact check” Trump on “hydrocloxochlorine”, comedic sound effects courtesy of JCD
1:09:21Radiolab-style NPR report on Bloomberg News “kowtowing” to Chinese Communist Party by killing 2013 report by journalist Mike Forsythe and threatening his wife; ACC’s “the King of Pop” story revisited; JCD travel tip: always use “occupation: manager” on visa applications
1:16:55M5M suppressing Trump’s press conference with COVID-19 survivors including a grateful Karen Whitsett and husband; Tom Hank’s wife Rita Wilson making sure to tell hydroxychloroquine horror stories; Trump begins to mention Gilead’s Remdesivir with recent Chinese patent application; Trump threatening Article II Section 3 adjournment of Congress for recess appointments including Michael Pack to oversee “disgusting” Voice of America; 2014 Supreme Court invalidation of three Obama appointments; media now avoiding the word “kowtow” derived from Chinese 叩頭 kòutóu; Trump jokes about reporter looking better in a mask
1:29:35NewsHour’s Nick Schifrin lies about clip of “President Trump praising China” vs “if you can count on the reports coming out of China”; WHO’s resident socialist Michael Ryan speaks for “so many workers around the world” in calling for “the space, the support and the solidarity to do our jobs”; Tedros Adhanom claims WHO does not need funding from US
1:38:18Producer Segment: twenty-year-old “sta’ zitto schiavo!” girl; Melissa Tallin for end of show
2:34:24Another cringeworthy spectacle of Chris and Andrew Cuomo being dicks to each other, “Love Gov says no way” to running for president; Elle magazine interview with “excellent running mate” Stacey Abrams by Melissa Harris-Perry, “prepared and excited to serve”
2:44:26Biden Here’s the Deal podcast: “we have to do both” jettison democratic process and address coronavirus crisis, “the, uh, look, um, uh, uh, with, uh, y’know, uh, uh, with, uh, the fact is that, uh” possibly edited by JCD; Cuomo “I don’t like what I do” iso
2:48:29Anthony Fauci: “I inherently have problems with models”, claims Chinese reaction alone was sufficient bases for extreme response; Montana doctor Annie Bukacek discusses CDC guidelines for death certificates “based on assumption alone”; ACC proposes applying same order-of-magnitude inaccuracy to climate change models; Los Angeles expected to cancel concerts and sporting events until 2021, California to hand out $500 payments to illegal aliens
2:59:26Elizabeth Warren finally endorses Biden; JCD-edited “yes, yes, yes” to question about running for vice president; CBC refuses to air embarrassing footage of Deputy PM Chrystia Freeland dodging questions about coronavirus intelligence from MP Pierre Poilievre; UK rolls out open-source NHS contact tracing app; ACC: “what if we get Vista vaccine?”
3:06:51Donation Segment
3:20:49Amazon dropping affiliate payouts to as little as 1%; producer note on Star Trek: Picard kowtowing to China by naming Starfleet flagship the USS Zheng He after court eunuch