Call Clooney!

1230 Avocado Cartel (2020-04-02)

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0:00:00JCD: “There will be cake.” (1:53:40)
0:00:32“G-men” sanitation workers; JCD’s Tiger King “douchebag itch”; CVC’s sinus headache
0:02:43Trump drops “Chinese” after his phone call with President Xi; “former Maduro regime” indictments revisited; Trump announces “enhanced counter-narcotics operations in the Western Hemisphere” to protect against “scorge” of illegal drugs, ACC: “enhanced anything is usually not good when the United States is doing it to you”, Mark Esper announces operations in “Eastern Pacific Ocean and the Caribbean Sea” with most ships bearing down on Venezuela
0:09:21NBC News on temporary hospitals in New York dealing with 1,500 deaths, Brian Williams’ “scare people to death” revisited; 2018 “hospitals overwhelmed” flu headlines; New York street vendors roll out New World Order, 5G, and Antichrist memes on Twitter video; producer note on extraordinary use of ventilators to protect hospital personnel; GM subsidiary Denso already making ventilators; deliveries of Bob Barker prison mattresses for Moscone Center
0:21:00WHO Director General Tedros Adhanom alarmed at “near-exponential gross”, arrogant “I have called on governments to put in place social welfare measures”; Bill Gates’ “33% per day” talking point; Fauci to Jake Tapper: “there are things called models!” that come nowhere close to having any predictive power whatsoever; Dr. Birx calls for “a 21st Century supercomputing approach rather than a more generic slide rule based approach” to public health data“; debunked Imperial College model replaced by one from University of Washington Institute for Health Metrics and Evaluation director and Rhodes Scholar Chris Murray with links to Harvard and WHO, single investor Gates Foundation; Mimi’s first husband’s Parkinson’s disease and occasional peculiar behavior; Gates’ Reddit AMA calling for RFID chip tattoos
0:31:39ACC runs through four main theories behind Wuhan wet market bat narrative: Dr. Thomas Cowan correlates pandemics to RF and “satellites emitting radioactive frequencies in the Van Allen belt”; David Icke theory with flu masquerading as coronavirus; Birx admits difficulty trying to “dissect our what was flu, what was COVID”; Yonkers woman Julie Thaler to CBS on testing positive after 21-day isolation; poorly-miked Project Veritas video with National Guard downplaying outbreak severity; Fauci “really confident” of immunity to reinfection
0:46:25QAnon theory: John F. Kennedy Jr. seeks revenge upon the global elite caste by circulating a tainted batch of adrenochrome from Harvey Weinstein and lockdown allows Trump to unleash his 160,000 sealed indictments; Los Angeles engineer attempts to ram locomotive into USNS Mercy, JCD: “a government takeover of what, the government?”; “booby-trap theory” of Iranian biological weapon created in Switzerland, swapped out by Mossad, tested by the Dutch and Canadians, stolen by China and forked by Fort Detrick
0:58:07Dr. Birx on lag between exposure and hospitalization; ACC’s Zoom video date with the New York banker, $6.2T stimulus “immunized money” that cannot cause inflation being based on MMT “reverse repo” agreements, JCD: “it’s cookin’ the books!”, Steve Mnuchin-like genius keeping Ziff Davis afloat via obscure financial feats; JCD anticipates “babies are coming!”
1:05:50Dutch all-in against Eurobond for Italy, ESM European Stability Mechanism from 2012 era; Italian tax cheats unsure whether to risk claiming stimulus money, Sweden’s “eh!” approach
1:11:02“Nincompoop” Surgeon General reiterating “the masks are no good, we need them” message to support facial recognition; TraceTogether’s BlueTrace API trackers; Amazon delivery drone fantasy well and truly debunked, police and Western Australia using “thank you, your actions are saving lives!” drones; Anthony Fauci’s basketball career at New York banker’s high school
1:17:06Trump on Russia-Saudi Arabia oil war: “they both know what they have to do”, predicts $0.99 gas, “I do believe there’s a way that that can be solved … and I’d rather not do that”
1:24:24Bill Maher: “please, bring on the recession” to get rid of Trump; echoing Kelly Ripa issues an “it’s okay” list on lackluster Live With Kelly and Ryan podcast; Google Voice AI blocking “coronavirus”, News Corp suspending print editions of 60 local newspapers
1:34:15Producer Segment: JCD story of drinking with Saudi prince in AC/DC tee shirt
2:04:30Nancy Pelosi asserts to Anderson Pooper that Trump “admitted” he took no action on coronavirus by offering an excuse, promises “after-action review” as code for impeachment phase 2 and 9/11 style commission; January 31 to March 14 compilation of media downplaying coronavirus with Pooper admonishing “you should be more concerned about the flu”
2:10:39Glaring edits in Joe Biden’s new Here’s the Deal podcast, ACC: “it’s like a Mad Libs insert!”, “Luhan virus” mashup; “that is a mistake!” and “that’s frightening to me!” isos
2:18:14Circumhorizontal arc horizontal rainbow vs “it’s a freakin’ double rainbow!”; puffins on Isle of May; NASA sending 10.9 million names etched on silicon with Perseverance Mars rover
2:23:42Vanity Fair’s Gabe Sherman to Joy Reid: “this is a new terrain in terms of Fox being possibly held liable for their actions”; Trump tries to explain to clueless CNN reporter why deceptively editing out “I’m not talking about me” is fake news, “I get Mike Pence to call”; Yamiche Alcindor constantly on the phone getting instructions from home base; JCD on “editing class” writing headlines that contradict content; ACC lauds algo-free No Agenda Social
2:37:53Donation Segment: $81.18 “pierced nipple donation”; Jitsi meetups
2:56:18Lara Logan Has No Agenda dissuaded from appropriating No Agenda trademark; Logan exposes Mexican cartels holding “control of the multi-billion-dollar avocado industry” (CotD); Rachel Maddow makes an idiot of herself calling “nonsense” on Trump’s claim that USNS Comfort would be in New York City in a week; feverish Chris Cuomo and Don Lemon weeping together; no denials yet from Andrew Cuomo in “nipple-gate”
3:01:57Breaking News: 1 million cases of coronavirus according to the Troll Room
3:04:00“Piss-poor report” from PBS on “Shiite rebels” in Yemen revisited; Al-Jazeera report on Houthi rebels firing two ballistic missiles into Saudi Arabia amidst 1,200 coronavirus cases