Call Clooney!

1210 Pain of Imprisonment (2020-01-23)

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0:00:00ACC: “Y’know, people goin’ up to Joe, like, hey Joe, BAHH!!” (1:43:10)
0:00:35ACC accosted by two “squeegee guys” emerging from the darkness and rain
0:04:36Fox cuts away from live coverage of tedious impeachment trial; Sen. John Barrasso notes overuse of the term “overwhelming”; “all persons are commanded to keep silent on pain of imprisonment” vs American citizens serving jury duty; Ted Cruz bitches about Obama’s refusal of military aid to Ukraine, evidence of Biden corruption; Laura Ingraham “oh, fun!” for Giuliani podcast; executive privilege and Congressional oversight from Nixon impeachment
0:17:29JCD’s Norah O’Donnell “series of dramatic, dramatic, dramatic presentations” remix; Chuck Schumer’s All the President’s Men references; Jay Sekulow obsesses over “33 days”; Mark Shields tries to make sense of poll numbers; ACC predicts unfortunate end for Hunter Biden
0:23:17Trump at World Economic Forum “gathering of the reptiles” in Davos: Nadler “a sleazebag”; Steve Mnuchin responds to UK Chancellor of the Exchequer’s take on digital services tax with “arbitrarily putting taxes on car companies”; JCD nominates Davos for terrorist dirty bomb
0:28:50Trump commits to Trillion Trees initiative, Greta Thunberg more interested in continuing “rewilding” meme, bogus panics like population and peak oil; “head reptile” Prince Charles resurrects biodiversitée and thinks of the children; Nancy Pelosi to Bill Maher on need to be “disciplined, focused, cold-blooded”; average human body temperature now 97.9° F
0:42:20Bernie to VICE on tearing down border wall vs childcare spending; SJW children’s books including Woke Baby, No Agenda Babies by Sir Chris, JCD: “how about Baby’s First Gun?”; Biden promises to fire officials who deport illegals for drunk driving in spite of his first wife being killed by drunk driver (CotD); Pete Buttigieg “please clap” and Krusty the Clown laugh
0:53:27Michael Bloomberg announces Greenwood Initiative for “Africer-American wealth creation” by helping “black” families get subprime mortgages with CFPB and collapse the economy
1:05:14Tulsi Gabbard’s $50M defamation suit against Hillary notes that she is not planning suicide
1:07:00Producer Segment:; Putin “running the show” at JCD’s dinner
1:33:45Useless CNN poll shows Bernie gaining on Biden as Hillary goes on the attack; Scott Adams predicts Clinton-controlled Biden-Harris ticket, JCD more impressed with Michelle Lujan Grisham; NYT endorses Klobuchar & Warren; Nanette Burstein “campaign film” plan
1:47:14Spotify playlists for dogs an ingenious data-gathering ploy; DoT finally cracking down on emotional support animals on planes, to the consternation of Fox Business News dingbat
1:54:35Pixie spook Catherine Herridge on members of neo-Nazi group The Base arrested by FBI for planning civil war at Virginia 2nd Amendment rally, more arrests at Georgia “training camp”; M5M “far-right militias!” compilation; delusional Sandy Ocasio-Cortez whines about “almost no police officers” at event; JCD LibJoes blaming white supremacy for high drug prices
2:05:23Donation Segment
2:17:38Fearmongering over Wuhan coronavirus case in Seattle; producer note on odious Chinese coughing and spitting habits; 2017 Nature article on Chinese lab “poised to study world’s dangerous pathogens”; $40bn 2003 SARS parallel, patent US10130701B2 conspiracy theories
2:28:09Vape Wars: CDC walking back position after Trump’s “fucking vaping thing” phone call
2:30:35Weinstein defense using e-mails from “booty call” accuser Jessica Mann; erection drug syringe
2:35:31Jeff Pegues reports on Jeff Bezos’ phone hacked with MP4 file from Mohammed bin Salman
2:43:35Which Disney Are You Instagram filter a brazen selfie mining scam; Super Bowl predictions
2:47:36Furnishings from Frank Sinatra’s Golden Nugget suite up for auction